100 DAYS PROJECT: DAY 100

100 DAYS PROJECT: DAY 100

Hello Day 100. Hello Day 100.

I remember feeling very nervous back on day 1, which I know was only a little over three months ago, but in many ways its felt much longer.

This has been an important process. Maybe more personally involved than I envisioned. It was a healing process too, and a time for self reflection. Sometimes it sent me into a bad mood, or got me angry at myself, but I really do feel like I’ve grown and learned a lot about myself during, which is important.

It hasn’t always been easy. Some days I really regretted choosing writing as my daily task, wishing I’d just picked taking a photo or drawing a picture of dog instead – something that didn’t require as much thought or energy, that didn’t need proofing and formatting into a blog.

But in the end, the hard bit wasn’t the writing. I just struggled with the daily pressure knowing that once I’d got home, and walked the dog, eaten, practiced cello and done whatever else I needed to do, I still somehow had to do my words. The pressure was the hard part, not the act itself. But it was all worth it.

The goal was to get me writing again, to stop my procrastinating and just teach me to get on with it. And I did. When I started, writing, proofing, formatting and posting a piece start to finish would take almost an hour. It now takes me 25 minutes. That’s not to say that everything I put out is a masterpiece, not full of typos and half baked. But it wasn’t about the content. It never was. It was about the act and the process.And the cliché, it turns out, is true. Repetition and routine really is the key to creativity and habits.

On weekdays, I wrote every night, sometime between 7:30 and 9:30pm, sitting cross legged on my bed, whilst the dog snored next to me. Weekends it was late afternoon with a pot of tea in my lounge, listening to records, whilst the dog snored in the other room.  These were my habit forming comfort zones and it worked.The words flowed, even when I had no idea what I was about to write about (70% of the time) and I now know that 250 words is an easy reach.

Though my goal was 250 words, I think I probably averaged 450 words a day. That’s 45,000 words. That’s a book.

The cool thing is that if I wanted to write a book, I now see and understand how I could do it. You just break it down 500 words at a time. And that’s pretty cool.

Do I want to write a book? Erm. I don’t know. Actually. Yeah, maybe I do. The idea terrifies the fuck out of me, but I’m coming to learn that that’s a good sign and probably means it’s something you should try.

But I’m now also at a bit of a crossroads and dilemma.Because heaven forbid that something is actually over and I can let it rest. I love this momentum and habit of writing I’ve created. How my blog now exceeds 100 posts. I’m feeling quite anxious about letting that slip. But I don’t want the daily burden of forcing myself each day, despite just admitting that it was the best thing I can do. I want to find a way to keep a writing goal and target in mind without putting extra guilt and pressure in myself, so I can’t beat myself up. But I just don’t think that’s in my nature.

Do I want to keep blogging about anything?

Do I want to go niche – like, a fashion blog, or something about my city could be cool.

Or, well, what about that book? I don’t know if I can or what it’d be, but why throw that out of the mix?

So that’s dilemma one – my writing.

Dilemma two is that this project in creativity really has opened the floodgates for other, new, inspiration, and artistic desire. New Orleans really inspired me and ever since I’ve been itching to create visual art. New things I want to make and learn include:

– Zine making

– Lino  / wood cuts and printmaking

– Drawing houses from NOLA

– Textile art / collage

Plus, in addition to these, I’m already learning the cello, and have my own floral head wear business, So Long Marianne. The former needs way more practise each day, and the latter needs some TLC – if I gave it more time and attention I think I could really grow it into something notable as it already gets a lot of attention, comparative to how much I invest in it, energy wise.

So where do I begin? Do I start a schedule and mix them up?Do I pick one thing at a time and complete it before moving on?

But how will I ever get good at anything unless I dedicate myself to mastering it and practise?

Not terrible problems to have, but interesting side effects of this project. I thought that once I got to Day 100 I’d just be so happy and relieved to be free of the burden of the daily posting. Not fretting about what to do next.

I think, I THINK, what’s critical is I keep that evening ritual, when possible,  of allotted time for something creative, outside of my cello practise.

And that’s what goal number 1 will be.

A minimum hour of creativity a night between 7-10pm. The caveat being, only when possible. Unlike the 100 Day project, I’m removing the pressure to do this every single day. If I go out and don’t get home until late, that’s fine. But on days where I’m home, that is my goal.

But all that aside. The point today is that I made it.

I’m here at Day 100, which I was unsure was possible and I’ve completed it. That is cause for happiness, celebration and satisfaction.

I shouldn’t stress or worry too much about what’s next.

Like life we never know what lies ahead or where we will go.

But I can be grateful for what I have achieved and how far I have come.

Thank you 100 Days Project, 2017.
xxx

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