DAY 98: LOVE…

DAY 98: LOVE…

I’ve written how I’ve had my heart broken.

How my desire to be loved has tricked me and let me accept situations that I shouldn’t have.

How I’ve been treated not as I should, and my regrets of letting that happen.

Of how I don’t think I believe in a Forever.

And though I want to get married, I don’t really believe in that being forever either.

That I don’t want children.

I’ve travelled the world by myself and loved every second.

And am completely happy, at ease, and content all by myself.

I am a complete person just as I am, just with me.

But yet I still love Love.

I refuse to get jaded, sarcastic and negative on the matter.

Because I want it.

I yearn for it.

I believe in it.

I am the eternally optimistic romantic.

And then I get stuck, as I ask myself – How does this all combine to something that’s realistic and truthful, that lives up to my beliefs and standards, without compromising my independence yet without giving up a grain of swoon and delight?

Because that’s what I want – swoon and delight. Moonlight dancing, firework kisses, and a bond that shines and sparkles so strong and bright.

I’m willing to wait. That settling is not my thing. And that often the idea is better than the reality and on that basis, I’m too busy and worth more than to just go for whatever comes along.

I want so much more than that.

I think of love as a cherry on a cake.

See, I am the gateau. An intricate, lavish, beautiful, perfectly formed cake. Layers and layers of my life, history, and character, all stacked up to make one perfect whole. I, by myself, am complete. I do not need anything else to be enjoyed or have a place and satisfaction in the world.

But I have room for love, the cherry on the top.

Is it essential? No. But is it desired, will it enhance me, will it look at home with me, yet contrast and bring interest? Absolutely.

No one needs a cherry on top. But it’s lovely to have one.

And if you’re lucky enough to have a cherry, and it falls off, and you lose it – yeah, there’s a scar on your icing, but it fades with time, and above all else, you’re still you when it is gone.

I’m looking for that cherry.

And I want to be someone’s cherry.

How, when, where or why, remains unknown.

But that’s the thrill.

And until that comes, you just have to keep being that romantic and optimistic, beautiful, gateau.

x

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