DAY 49: HOW TO PACK…

DAY 49: HOW TO PACK…

GOOGLING “TIPS FOR EFFICIENT HOLIDAY PACKING”:

“Whether you’re going away for one weekend, one week, one month, one year or one century, your pack-list should be just the same. Washing machines exist for a reason. Think capsule minimalism-chic. Lightweight, easily hand-washed, items in nice neutral hues. Think lovely practical beige bamboo cotton dresses that you could imagine a 17th century nun wearing. These will whisk you from day to night with the simple addition of a nice pair of stud earrings and an infinity scarf. The scarf is your change to be bold and inject a pop of colour into your wardrobe, perhaps with a pastel green or blue. You will always be tasteful and sure to be appropriate wherever you venture. Your bag should contain no more than 8.35 items (Including toiletries, underwear and accessories). Worried about make-up bulking up your baggage? Well to be frank, we think that you should be more worried about your reliance on such frivolity, honestly. No one in Morocco cares about your lashes, sweetheart. Do you think Michael Palin lugs about 2kg of contouring products with him? Above all else, just remember this one simple rule of thumb: your packed items should be able to fit into a child’s pencil case, and be able to be carried on the wings of an elderly butterfly. Have fun!”


ME, ACTUALLY, PACKING FOR A HOLIDAY:

“Right. I’m going to keep it to twenty items. Just a nice even twenty. That’s restrained and modest but not unrealistic. My own version of the capsule. YOU CAN DO THIS, LOUISE. I mean, it’s not including accessories, make up and toiletries, shoes, jackets, capes, parasols and novelty headwear. Duh. And yeah, sure it is going to be 35 degrees but I really think I should bring this full length Velvet gown, fur stole and matching feather hat because what if I get invited to some fashion event, after a local reads my travel blog, and is so overwhelmed by my wit and flair for life that the city declares me an honorary resident? Ooh, you know what? Mark Ruffalo might be there. And really that’s my shot with him, isn’t it? My one chance to get his attention and have him fall in love with me. I can’t be doing that in a bamboo wrap dress thankyouverymuch. If I play this right I’ll be Mrs. Ruffalo, living in New York in three months. So just the essentials. And I need lots of lipsticks. After all , a lipstick is tiny, so tiny that it really doesn’t count at all. How big is a lipstick? Less than a finger. What are we gonna do, ban fingers now? Nope I have ten fingers, so ten lipsticks, that’s just basic anatomy. So just those essential things and I’ll be set. Oh, and this parrot bag. It’s not an essential but I’ve been so good with my packing that I’m allowed one fucking treat, okay. Ah, I’m so good, I’m a packing guru! I should 100% definitely write a blog post about how great I am at this!”

x

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s