Reasons why I’ve always wanted to learn the cello…and why I’ve finally started taking lessons this year:

1. Becoming obsessed with the film Truly Madly Deeply, when I was fourteen. At least 30% of my formative aspirations of what romantic love was, and should be, were based upon a grief-stricken widow, yearning for the ghost of a moustached, cello-playing, kinda grumpy, Alan Rickman. I wore out my VHS copy from swoon

2. The cello player, Cynthia, in Mozart in the Jungle is a cool-as-fuck bombshell who gets to play lead in the New York Symphony Orchestra, wearing slinky silk dresses, with thigh high splits. She smokes and has an affair with Malcolm McDowell. Enough said

3. One time, in Paris, I was walking amongst the arcades and plazas around the Louvre, at night, and there was a lone cello player in one of the cloisters playing the most achingly beautiful music. My boyfriend was being sulky and I was feeling anxious trying to figure out what I’d done to piss him off. But as I stopped to absorb the haunting tunes of the cello, I was transported away to another world for five beautiful minutes. A world where I could pretend I was Marie Antoinette or some other grand Parisienne Socialite from centuries ago. Sadly an army of Segway riders came barrelling through, on some kind of tour, and ruined the fantasy. But it was a wonderful moment up until then

4. It only has four strings. How hard can it be?*

5. It’s the sexiest instrument imaginable. Its voluptuous curves and dips mimic my own body. So feminine, so Rubenesque. You just want to run your hands all over, and caress, its smooth lines.  To wrap my legs around its glossy, firm, body and make it sing those rich tones feels pretty darn good. One day I’d like to seduce someone by casually, nonchalantly, performing for them. I’ll be sure to be wearing a skirt that I can hitch up to reveal juuuuust enough thigh, and make sure my hair is wild, like Kate Bush’s, and sweeps perfectly across my face. Though I think I’m going to need practise a lot more and be able to play something more soulful than Twinkle Twinkle Little Star for that to happen…

6. I kept thinking, for years, that I was too old to learn. That only kids learn instruments like the cello. But then I figured that if I start now, then by the time I’m 75 I’ll have been playing for over 40 years. And by anyone’s standards, that would make me something of an expert. There’s a lovely lady in the lesson before me, called Kathleen. She’s 75 and started learning at the same time as me, back in February She’s my inspiration and a fabulous guiding light. It’s never too late

7. Did I mention Alan Rickman?


* Very, very, so very hard

One thought on “DAY 23: CELLO…

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